Out of Sight, Out of Mind (Discernment Series #10)

My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion. Proverbs 3:21

Discretion is simply another word for discernment. We have been learning these lessons in order to develop a habit of making good and wise choices, and we are finding out how important it is to go to God for help.

A few weeks ago, I spoke about the wisdom of freezing in place to hear God’s voice leading us when He says, “I need you here!

In Luke 18:31, Jesus became urgent as He took the 12 disciples aside and told them what they were about to do. He even explained where and why. They didn’t understand any of it, but they went.

His sudden request to them gives us a great example of what the Lord, sometimes, does in our lives today. He says, “Let’s go!” We may not mentally understand His reasoning, but wisdom tells us to go to a deeper place of understanding and follow Him anyway, with all our hearts.

Our listening, discerning ears hear His voice. We freeze in place and shift our direction to obey His call. We do not let wisdom and understanding out of our sight. Sound judgment is worth clinging to. Discretion is fantastically beneficial for us to preserve in our hearts for a lifetime.

How might the discernment lessons we’ve learned so far help us to never let God’s wise ways leave our sight? Let’s bring it home by processing through a situation that may, very well, happen to you (in some form or another).

Imagine a married couple who love the Lord and one of them is seeking discernment about a problem in the social arena of their relationship. This person could be either the wife or husband, but for sake of time, I’m going to address the person as him).

As you listen to your friend’s story, you may compassionately relate and admit to yourself how easy it is when we’re in trouble to let wisdom and understanding disappear from our sight and mind. Our trials make it easy to let our minds dwell on blame and negative emotions, instead of preserving sound judgment and discretion.

Probably, the first temptation for this man may be to bad mouth and gossip about his wife, softly complaining, whether to friends, family or just internally. But this will not bring a solution, only more misery. He would be wise to strive for faithfulness and loyalty in marriage, even in times like these. (Note: Seeking help from a trusted friend, like you, or a counselor is not gossip!)

Your friend may explain that the issue has been repeatedly confronted to no avail, so now he is moved to passively listen to his chatty wife and never confront the issue again, which, if you think about it, wouldn’t be helpful in the long run. Her rude and inconsiderate desire to be center of attention in front of their peers truly is a problem in his mind!

What if you suggested to your friend that he freeze in place and listen for the Holy Spirit’s direction?

Perhaps God would whisper to him, “Build up your wife with kind words of encouragement and then softly and lovingly confront her.”

The Spirit may direct him to pray that someone else might be able to better reach her.  “Lord, provide someone my wife will listen to, or give me the right words to say.”

What else might the Spirit speak if the issue still isn’t resolved?

…To come to some sort of peace in the uncomfortable and embarrassing situation and let go of bitterness and resentment? To realize that, once the truth is consistently spoken in love, that is the best he can do and God’s will has been heeded?

There is so much rest in seeking and following God’s ways. If the friend doesn’t find a place of healing, the only other choice is to remain miserable and keep fighting. But, that seems to lead to self-pity and ruin.

In the meantime, here is a good question for your friend, “Why is this issue affecting you so much? Why are you so miserable? Is it fear of what other people think about you or your mate?“

Here are a few ways to address fear when it is keeping your friend from carrying out a decision of peace:

Love casts out fear – I John 4:18
God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear – II Tim 1:7

Your friend can learn to continue to love his mate and commit both of their reputations and approval of others to God. He can commit the social group and the group’s souls to God and include their own souls as well.

Consider all the lessons we’ve learned so far (on the Discernment Wheel) and how they would apply to this situation:

Is your friend able to overlook what other people think of him in his search for answers?
Is he willing to be misunderstood without needing to defend himself, yet pursuing and rightfully defending God’s truth.
Is he keeping open eyes and ears to hear that he might be wrong in his views or approach of his wife?
Is there an awareness that the Holy Spirit will, at times, require hard things from him?
Is he offering up prayers to God in order to know when to let go and start walking the obedient road of suffering?
Is he showing humility and contentment in these circumstances and a willingness to see what God is providing even in these tough times?
Does your friend know that his decisions may be made in obedience, but they will never be perfect, and perhaps not end in great results?
Does he know that such discernment isn’t an absence of fear, isn’t the right to use fear to settle for less or to ask for less from God?
Is there an awareness that in right decisions there may still be hunger, weariness or inconvenience, and not always a feeling safety or popularity?
Is he allowing the Holy Spirit to direct his decisions or is HE attempting to direct the Holy Spirit?
Is he wrongfully going his own way in arrogance and pride and calling that discernment?
Is he praying for patience, decisiveness, trust, faith?

These are only a few of the comments we can use in conversation with our friends when they are unsure of what to do in the hard times of struggle. Of course, we show our support, listening ears and understanding. But if they want to process their situation to get to a better place, pray that God will lead you.

Now, let’s add to last week’s Discernment Wheel (in blue circles) to refresh our memories.

Discernment is:

Acknowledging God
Reducing physical and spiritual clutter (dragon scales)
Sometimes revealed during mundane and boring moments (instead of glamour)
Serious business

Father, your ways are wonderful. I ask for your help that we would never allow wisdom and understanding out of our sight. When you give us direction, help us to stop what we’re doing and follow you. In our circumstances and in those of our loved ones, pour out your blessing of discretion to our souls. When we feel defeated and hurt lead us to the peaceful place of surrender in all our decisions. We want to always be moving closer to you and bringing others with us. Purify our hearts. In Jesus name, Amen.

Trust Versus Greed

The greedy stir up conflict, but those who trust in the Lord will prosper. Prov. 28:25

The moment I read today’s verse a truth jumped out at me I had never thought of before. I was both perplexed and fascinated.

Out of all the reasons people have conflict, the matter of greed piqued my interest.

Greed stirs up conflict? Greed over what?

That’s when it occurred to me, we can be greedy for someone’s time or energy (over-emphasizing our own needs). We become greedy to win quarrels or to be known as superior, intelligent or wise. We’re greedy over whose property belongs to whom or, of course, over money, power and beauty.

Such greed stirs up conflict. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

I did a word search and found that the word conflict means a prolonged quarrel or fight, a battle, war, disagreement, competition, rivalry, strife, struggle or contention.

One who is greedy or thinks too highly of himself often finds his relationships to be in turmoil. He will constantly compete for the highest place. He will be overbearing, impatient and pushy. He covets the best and most of everything, but his desires never really seem to be met since he is always seeking after more.

In reading today’s proverb, the opposite of greed, which is trust, was also a mystery to me.

I would have thought that the opposite of greed would have been generosity. However, when one trusts in God, instead of his own desires, he is moved to be more generous and moved not to care so much about having those things.

When trust (not greed) is a person’s motive for his actions, his life tends to be more easygoing and better equipped for the hard times. He is happier and more comfortable with himself. He takes responsibility for his part and can then take a deep breath and leave everything in the Lord’s hands. He depends on God for his needs.

The one who trusts in God is satisfied with His presence. Therefore, he has no need to grab and win a competition with others. He is peaceful in life and easily contented. He sees abundance all around him because his heart is more able to receive God’s blessings. His faith increases at every turn of the road.

And all of this is good.

Father, give me a trusting heart in you. Move me from greed and contention to a better understanding of who you are and what you are already providing. Make me a peacemaker and solid in my stance on seeking contentment in this life and in my relationships. In Jesus name, Amen.

Self-Restraint

A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. Proverbs 27:15-16

The woman in today’s verse couldn’t let go of whatever issue was on her mind. She expressed herself, and her husband seems to have had some hesitancy about her complaints. Instead of listening to him, she quarreled, and as a leaky roof would do, she kept on and on and on. Her nagging caused her husband to want to run away and hide. It caused him grief.

Leaks are one of my worst hated trials. I cannot stand it if my house is leaking. We’ve been dealing with two leaks for four months now. We even put buckets up in the attic while waiting on roofers to have time for us. How annoying it’s been to know that the leaks could cause even more damage to the inside of our sweet home. Every time it rained hard, I wondered about it and cringed.

This is how difficult it is on a husband when his wife continually harps on an issue. He can’t even get away because she is like a leaky storm. He is forced to stay in the shelter of his home and endure.

Anyone who observes the couple would feel uncomfortable and exhausted. The wife affects the mood of her husband, kids and the poor onlookers.

In contrast, how would the woman behave if she were to make better choices? She would choose self-restraint and not be so easily offended. She would be flexible and willing to try her husband’s ideas instead of always thinking hers are the best. She would not be a proud person, but humble enough to bend with the wind. She might vocally disagree with her husband and express herself (once is enough), but self-discipline and trust would help her to truly give the situation to God. At this point, she would be well-thought-of by him, and over the years he would eventually come to her seeking for wisdom.

Remember Eve? She was the first wife after God created the whole world. Eve was swayed by the serpent and then badgered her husband into following her into the most regrettable decision of all time (Later, when God approached him, Adam blamed Eve for this terrible sin).

Eve’s mistake keeps me on my toes. Just because I think an idea is a good one or even the best choice, that doesn’t make it right. In fact, I must be very careful when I attempt to talk my husband into anything. I must pray about it and listen to his cautions when he warns me about the flaws of my argument instead of speaking constant disapproval of him and his opinions.

There are more ways than just words that can make a husband feel like his wife is incessantly quarreling: her body language, sighs, sadness, depression from unanswered prayers, spurts of over-irritation or anger. The fight in her still comes out even when she isn’t vocalizing it.

Restraining her is like restraining the wind.

One of the last visits I had at my mother’s home was when we headed to the beach on a cold February’s day. I love the ocean and wanted to soak in every moment I could of white sea gulls, salty air and sand between my toes. But, no matter which way we turned our faces were slapped by the harsh wind. We were miserable even in our feeble attempts to ward off the wind with warm coats and heavy scarves.

That cold wind can be likened to be the person who just keeps on coming back with arguments and scolding. Try to grasp something by hand that has oil on it; that is what it is like to try to restrain this woman. The endeavor is utterly hopeless.

Within a few years after I got married, my husband and I were living in a little, old home, and I had such grand ideas for the kitchen. I approached my husband who was weary from his hard working job and honestly didn’t want to have these conversations. But I kept at him. Within a few weeks something eerie began to happen. My phone (we had a landline with no caller ID at the time) would ring almost daily, and the voice on the other end was a disturbed strange man who spoke in a way that terrified me. I finally learned to take the phone off the hook for hours. For a few weeks, my husband was working extra jobs at night, and I was very alone and vulnerable (with two small children) during this time, and trembling with fear.

One of those nights, it dawned on me to pray to God about these disturbing calls. I prayed for safety and wisdom to know what to do. During those tearful moments my heart grew soft, and I began to have room in my head to think about the way I was treating my husband about my silly kitchen plans. A new thought came to me. Let the old plans go and work on sprucing up my kitchen on my own without bothering my sweet man.

Then another eerie thing happened; the phone calls stopped. That horrible man never called back again. And I went about my life more happy than before. I can’t explain what happened and why. All I know is that, today, after 41 years of marriage, I have never forgotten that lesson.

Father, help me to be a kindhearted, loving wife. Give me a sense of proper timing to bring up sensitive topics, and then give me sense to leave the conversation if it becomes dishonorable and disruptive in any way. Teach me what is most important in my marriage. Help me never to be known as a quarrelsome wife who drips like a leaky roof, but to show genuine self-restraint. Show me how to run to you in prayer when things are difficult, to allow my heart to be softened and to lean on you for my every need. In Jesus name, Amen.

Little Bitty Giants

“Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, ‘We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.’” When the people complained that they could not go up to conquer the land, both Caleb and Joshua responded strongly, tore their clothes and said to the entire assembly, ‘The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will devour them. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them’” (Numbers 14:6–9)

Joshua and Caleb were chosen to go with 10 other men to explore the Promised Land and give a report to Moses and the people. After a 40-day inspection of Canaan, the explorers reported, “The land…flows with milk and honey! But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. This report frightened the people.”

Yet, Joshua and Caleb not only believed their God would see them through this, they were passionately insistent, pleading with the people how devastating it would be to disobey the Lord God who was leading them to this good land.

Joshua and Caleb intensely followed God (whom they could not see), keeping their focus on Him, not on the fearful giants (they could see).

I’ve had two sides pulling at me from opposite directions all my life. One side speaks with thundering, confusing noise, “This is too big for you, be afraid, there’s no other choice but to worry and cower in a corner!” The other boldly, but generally quietly steps forward and declares, “Trust the Lord your God; for HE will rescue you.”

To listen to the still small voice, I must care more about God’s presence and truth than about my fear or whatever is causing me distress. I will fight for God’s honor in God’s way. I will stand strong, insisting on trusting in the words He speaks to me.

This is not a fight or argument with people, as much as it is a struggle within myself! I must convince MY head and heart, first. I have to persuade myself before I can sway others to my viewpoint. I must allow the strength of God to overwhelm me instead of the fears created by my tormenting, giant circumstances.

I try to imagine being like Joshua who tore his clothes at the Israelites disregard for God’s instruction. Could I be so upset that I tear my ‘inward’ clothes, that I shout and stand up (as Joshua did in the presence of Israel) to the enemy in my head who stirs up fear in my heart and shake my fist, saying, God is about to devour you?

Joshua went on to explain that the enemy’s protection was gone. But the Lord was with them!

My enemy has nothing! I have God which means I have everything to conquer and claim victory.

I’ve noticed in my own frightful circumstances that claiming God’s victory is powerful. I’ve also noticed that my physical and emotional state can still become weary in this journey here on earth, especially during the attacks that come.

This week, I was listening to the online audio version of Psalms and was so touched by King David’s honest, open heart. I committed during this current season to write a Psalm every day to express my feelings, but to also see everything from God’s point of view. That’s what a Psalm is: our thoughts seen through a heavenly perspective.

Here is my Psalm from last night:

God, I’ve been too weary to fight for what is good. Old thinking has tried to hammer away at me. Yet, inside my heart, I’ve known you were there, parting the Red Seas and pulling me up to walk beside you on the waters. Your voice is quiet, maybe even muffled by the enemy’s lies, but oh, so clear. Finally, the clouds have given way to blue skies and I can feel the wind on my face as I walk your creation. By your power, I keep putting one foot in front of the other, going the extra mile, but I also ask for help from those around me. I am honest about my emotions but they are put in their place. They no longer rule me. Lord Of All, I bow to you, my great Sovereign Ruler. I kiss your feet and smile at your magnificence in my life. You always make things new.

Lord God, thank you for going before me in power after my ‘giants’ that to you are little bitty. You can blow them away in one breath. Today, help me to listen to the right voice, to the Lord over all things. Give me passion for your truth. Help me to stand up for the might of your will. Move me in your mercy and grace, and keep me close to your heart. In Jesus name, Amen.