Out of Sight, Out of Mind (Discernment Series #10)

My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion. Proverbs 3:21

Discretion is simply another word for discernment. We have been learning these lessons in order to develop a habit of making good and wise choices, and we are finding out how important it is to go to God for help.

A few weeks ago, I spoke about the wisdom of freezing in place to hear God’s voice leading us when He says, “I need you here!

In Luke 18:31, Jesus became urgent as He took the 12 disciples aside and told them what they were about to do. He even explained where and why. They didn’t understand any of it, but they went.

His sudden request to them gives us a great example of what the Lord, sometimes, does in our lives today. He says, “Let’s go!” We may not mentally understand His reasoning, but wisdom tells us to go to a deeper place of understanding and follow Him anyway, with all our hearts.

Our listening, discerning ears hear His voice. We freeze in place and shift our direction to obey His call. We do not let wisdom and understanding out of our sight. Sound judgment is worth clinging to. Discretion is fantastically beneficial for us to preserve in our hearts for a lifetime.

How might the discernment lessons we’ve learned so far help us to never let God’s wise ways leave our sight? Let’s bring it home by processing through a situation that may, very well, happen to you (in some form or another).

Imagine a married couple who love the Lord and one of them is seeking discernment about a problem in the social arena of their relationship. This person could be either the wife or husband, but for sake of time, I’m going to address the person as him).

As you listen to your friend’s story, you may compassionately relate and admit to yourself how easy it is when we’re in trouble to let wisdom and understanding disappear from our sight and mind. Our trials make it easy to let our minds dwell on blame and negative emotions, instead of preserving sound judgment and discretion.

Probably, the first temptation for this man may be to bad mouth and gossip about his wife, softly complaining, whether to friends, family or just internally. But this will not bring a solution, only more misery. He would be wise to strive for faithfulness and loyalty in marriage, even in times like these. (Note: Seeking help from a trusted friend, like you, or a counselor is not gossip!)

Your friend may explain that the issue has been repeatedly confronted to no avail, so now he is moved to passively listen to his chatty wife and never confront the issue again, which, if you think about it, wouldn’t be helpful in the long run. Her rude and inconsiderate desire to be center of attention in front of their peers truly is a problem in his mind!

What if you suggested to your friend that he freeze in place and listen for the Holy Spirit’s direction?

Perhaps God would whisper to him, “Build up your wife with kind words of encouragement and then softly and lovingly confront her.”

The Spirit may direct him to pray that someone else might be able to better reach her.  “Lord, provide someone my wife will listen to, or give me the right words to say.”

What else might the Spirit speak if the issue still isn’t resolved?

…To come to some sort of peace in the uncomfortable and embarrassing situation and let go of bitterness and resentment? To realize that, once the truth is consistently spoken in love, that is the best he can do and God’s will has been heeded?

There is so much rest in seeking and following God’s ways. If the friend doesn’t find a place of healing, the only other choice is to remain miserable and keep fighting. But, that seems to lead to self-pity and ruin.

In the meantime, here is a good question for your friend, “Why is this issue affecting you so much? Why are you so miserable? Is it fear of what other people think about you or your mate?“

Here are a few ways to address fear when it is keeping your friend from carrying out a decision of peace:

Love casts out fear – I John 4:18
God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear – II Tim 1:7

Your friend can learn to continue to love his mate and commit both of their reputations and approval of others to God. He can commit the social group and the group’s souls to God and include their own souls as well.

Consider all the lessons we’ve learned so far (on the Discernment Wheel) and how they would apply to this situation:

Is your friend able to overlook what other people think of him in his search for answers?
Is he willing to be misunderstood without needing to defend himself, yet pursuing and rightfully defending God’s truth.
Is he keeping open eyes and ears to hear that he might be wrong in his views or approach of his wife?
Is there an awareness that the Holy Spirit will, at times, require hard things from him?
Is he offering up prayers to God in order to know when to let go and start walking the obedient road of suffering?
Is he showing humility and contentment in these circumstances and a willingness to see what God is providing even in these tough times?
Does your friend know that his decisions may be made in obedience, but they will never be perfect, and perhaps not end in great results?
Does he know that such discernment isn’t an absence of fear, isn’t the right to use fear to settle for less or to ask for less from God?
Is there an awareness that in right decisions there may still be hunger, weariness or inconvenience, and not always a feeling safety or popularity?
Is he allowing the Holy Spirit to direct his decisions or is HE attempting to direct the Holy Spirit?
Is he wrongfully going his own way in arrogance and pride and calling that discernment?
Is he praying for patience, decisiveness, trust, faith?

These are only a few of the comments we can use in conversation with our friends when they are unsure of what to do in the hard times of struggle. Of course, we show our support, listening ears and understanding. But if they want to process their situation to get to a better place, pray that God will lead you.

Now, let’s add to last week’s Discernment Wheel (in blue circles) to refresh our memories.

Discernment is:

Acknowledging God
Reducing physical and spiritual clutter (dragon scales)
Sometimes revealed during mundane and boring moments (instead of glamour)
Serious business

Father, your ways are wonderful. I ask for your help that we would never allow wisdom and understanding out of our sight. When you give us direction, help us to stop what we’re doing and follow you. In our circumstances and in those of our loved ones, pour out your blessing of discretion to our souls. When we feel defeated and hurt lead us to the peaceful place of surrender in all our decisions. We want to always be moving closer to you and bringing others with us. Purify our hearts. In Jesus name, Amen.

Reflecting Beauty for His Glory

As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart. Proverbs 27:19

If I sought my reflection as I knelt by a stream of water, it would display my precise countenance. I would be greeted with a smile OR a frown depending on what was on my face.

Likewise, my joyful or angry demeanor affects mankind in my small corner of the world, which then boomerangs back to bless or curse my life. I see my own reflection when I meet my fellowman.

We all need something to reflect back to us our physical flaws; hair out of place, button undone, smudges on the forehead from gardening. In some ways, we are harder on ourselves than others. Yet, others see many things we don’t see. Humanity can be a wonderful source (or mirror) to reflect to us what needs to be addressed. Many in our circle have worthy gifts to help us alter our appearance for the better.

Even more, we need them to reflect our heart’s flaws. This happens in relationships that mirror back to us who we are by how we act or what we say. And like our physical appearance, people we’re familiar with will tend to know more about our hearts than we know about ourselves. They know our blind spots.

Sometimes we learn more about who we are as humans by observation. Those with whom we imagine ourselves to have the least in common may be more like us than we think. A man might be judgmental of a person until he goes through what they are going through. He becomes overwhelmed with compassion and unity for all God’s people. We have so much more in common than we know.

Furthermore, we can see our hearts with more clarity when we read God’s word. The Bible gives us the best standard to compare ourselves and be refined.

Water reflections reveal the face. Our lives reveal the heart. Seeing ourselves the way we really are in the reactions of our family and friends or in God’s word can be a deep process of conviction. The process helps us to better thrive and blossom into the children God meant for us to be. We pay more attention. We intentionally notice and become aware of a better way to experience the abundant life Jesus has to offer.

When I look into the mirror I want to see Jesus reflected back to me. When people look into my life, I want them to see Jesus and long to be more like HIM (not me). Certainly, I can make my appearance beautiful. Yet, I can also act in rude arrogance to everyone around me. Or, I may follow actions of love (on the surface) but if it’s not genuine, my heart will eventually show itself for what it truly is.

Jesus was about so much more than complying to outward rules that made a person seem good to his peers (example: the Pharisees in Matt. 23). Jesus was after the heart.

Deep inside, I know when I have simply followed a job description, a chore or a religious rule. I also know when my heart has moved me to be fully and unreservedly committed to do that same service.

Our face reveals a lot to the people who see us. But the face can be trained to deceive. Faces can be painted in perfect colors for the skin and accurate shades that bring out the eyes, but an angry countenance can ruin outward beauty.

In the fantasy world, Snow White’s stepmother looked into the mirror to seek who was the fairest in the land. Yet, her inward face was horribly marred. Using a mirror for competition to win the prize of most beautiful presents a truly sad life. Mirrors aren’t about outward form as much as they are about letting our outside reflect what is inside.

Those who, in the moment, have no time for the care of their outward appearance can still shine brilliantly with the glow of a joyful face that comes from a happy heart.

Any deed can be done with wrong motives of applause, manipulation or attention. But a life well-lived in the most difficult times reveals the truest character, the most beautiful face and attractive ways that draw others to Christ.

Lord, shine on my face so that you will be reflected in my heart. Let the deepest part of me learn from others you put in my life (their reactions to me and their right responses to struggles and pain). Make me beautiful for your glory. Help my life to shine Jesus to a world who needs you so much. In Jesus’ name, Amen.