Quiet Morning

If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning it will be taken as a curse. Prov. 27:14

My personality is sunny most of the time. So, I can be a little too much for others, especially when the new day dawns.

Years ago, I was having a conversation with an out-of-town guest. She teased me about my loud morning greetings and suggested I give her time for coffee to wake up a bit before spreading my sunshine (which would then have been well-received). And, for some reason this incident made me think about today’s verse.

To me, Prov. 27:14 is about obnoxious, morning people like me who need to tone down their morning sunshine. For all of us with such personalities, perhaps that would be wise. However, apparently, that is not what the verse says.

The foolish individual in the story is showing up in a parasitic attempt to put on an act. He gets up before anyone else (maybe to compete with others) and calls out a “blessing” to his neighbor (as early as possible) causing a stir among those watching.

Certainly, getting up and dressed and going out to relay such a noisy message would take a lot of motivation. Why would he go to such trouble? Possibly, his plan was to stay in front of the neighbor’s house all day (maybe this neighbor was wealthy). The foolish man was conspicuously loud, drawing the gaze of onlookers. His goal was either to impress them or to gain something from the neighbor through flattery. He seems endlessly blinded to the neighbor’s faults, so he would never confront or criticize. However, instead of a blessing, his loud accolades are bothersome and insulting because of the timing and the way he carries out his plans. Selfishness lies at the root of his praise. Prov. 27:14 sounds a lot like 27:6: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

Why would anyone be over-demonstrative and full of flattering words such as these? Do ‘I’ ever unknowingly do this? Why? To gain favor? To look good? To manipulate something more from my “neighbor?” To be liked?

We SHOULD give praise when it’s due, but not in a repetitive, groveling, ostentatious manner. It’s not appropriate for praise to be loud anyway unless to publicly honor a well-deserved soul. Over-praise can feel more like an insult than a compliment.

As the sun rises through my front window, the morning time is a chance to start my day by giving praise to God, the creator of the universe. It’s a time to reevaluate and prioritize my day as I listen to His voice. It is how I better thrive and flourish. I intentionally make my home quiet and worshipful for these moments.

Back in Bible days, if I was interrupted by loud compliments thrown at me by some selfish pest, who may have come yesterday and the day before that, it would have seemed terribly invasive, and it would have accomplished the opposite of what was intended.

In today’s time, my own temptation to invade the quiet of someone else’s home with noisy praise would be taxing on other’s emotions: “I am here to bless you (when in reality I want something from you).” I have failed, unintentionally, by doing this through untimely, overuse of texting, calling or e-mailing in moments of restlessness (when I should be tuning in to God). People have their own issues to face, quiet time to pursue and lives to live.

Honestly, God provides me with ALL I need. He is everything to me. I am throwing away precious moments with Him when I seek after fulfillment from others in ways that only God can provide, no matter the time of day, no matter the volume. A purer desire than manipulating my way into someone’s life would be to spend my energies, especially in the morning, on my knees to the Father.

Of course, encouragement is different than flattery or manipulating for gain. Encouragement is LOVE that takes the attention off oneself and brings inspiration and change to those around us. Encouragement is given mostly in private and in a respectful, timely manner or, again, in honoring a fellowman in front of others, not drawing attention to ourselves.

Also, consider something we’ve already discovered in previous blog posts: being the receiver of praise can be a tricky thing.

What would happen if I hungrily listened to the loud blessings of others and let the praise go straight to my head? What if the person blessing me was sincere with no other motive than to give me something good? The fact that it’s early in the morning would still be strange and bothersome, and the loudness of the blessing would simply embarrass me. But, forget all that for now. An expressive, effusive blessing can feel like a curse because it can result in the recipient becoming conceited or arrogant. He is being put on a pedestal far too high. Only God belongs in that place of perfection. No man should ever think he has a place there; for “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23).

Praise is a wonderful gift when used to benefit or bless others, but it is not useful when the motive is to promote one’s own purposes. If you are being praised in such a manner, don’t buy into it. When you receive over-praise or selfish, loud praise, quietly (in your mind) turn it down and turn away. Even though “another man is praising you, and not your own mouth.” (vs. 2)

An abundance of praise is a temptation not to be absorbed into one’s heart. What was meant as a blessing can indeed become a curse.

Father, go to the deepest part of me and teach me something new about you. My greatest desire is to know you more. Teach me how to keep my motives in check when I loudly praise others. You alone deserve the truest praise from my lips. No one else, not me, not another. I am hungry, so hungry, for you. May I truly and selflessly encourage and uplift those around me. Uproot selfishness from me. Teach me how to deflect any glory I receive to your Holy name. Remind me every morning that my praise to you is never too loud! “But I cry to you for help, LORD; in the morning my prayer comes before you. (Psalm 88:13)” My prayers to you can never be too early or too late, and I am never a bother to you. Yet, develop in me a clean heart and pure motives to approach your throne of grace without simply using you to gain more. Help me to worship you with all my heart. In Jesus name, Amen.

Thriving as a Sharpened Listener

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Proverbs 27:5-6

Thrive means to flourish, blossom and prosper as opposed to withering, failing and dying away. It is amazing to discover better ways to flourish, and that God wants such ways for all of us.

The verse above says that the better option (the most prosperous for our souls) out of the two scenarios isn’t the friend who hides behind smiles and never tells you the truth, but the friend who points out your serious mistakes, sharpens you and challenges you to be exceptional in your choices as you take the higher roads of life.

A most definite “higher road” is to listen to correction. Out of all the definitions for the word rebuke (found in today’s verse), my favorite is admonish. Why? Because it carries with it a decent level of respect. The rebuke is not motivated by neediness, inconsideration, jealousy or simple fault-finding, but by true affection and concern for the other person’s welfare. In fact, the act of solid criticism is real proof that the love is deep. Someone loves enough to tell a person his faults and better his character. Others keep silent because they don’t want to hurt feelings, or they fear losing friendships.

Be wary of the flatterer (who refuses to reveal your sins that damage your soul). This friend may talk about your sins behind your back. Such gossip is destructive and not always apparent to such an offender. Much intentional work is needed to uproot gossip. This “friend” slings mud secretly, but to your face gives smiles and kisses, like Judas, the betrayer.

The brave friend is one who says it like it is. Yet, protectively conceals your mistakes from others. He may put you through painful uneasiness. But in the end, the truth does you good like bad-tasting medicine. Fully receiving stern correction takes courage. Wouldn’t you rather be told upfront about a flaw than for your flaw to cause you to lose your job or your marriage?

This friend always looks for the best in you and seeks to bless you with his companionship and sounding-board opportunities and vice versa. However, when signs of spiritual decay and decline arise in you, he is the first to present his case. He is sincere in seeking your highest interest.

How does one reprove well? He must first see his own sin. He must look at the plank in his own eye so that he can see clearly to address the speck in another’s eye. He must use the right timing and words, which may require fasting, but for sure, requires time on his knees in prayer.

Anger in the rebuke typically doesn’t settle well as an appropriate plea for right living. Beautifully lay out your honest truth in love. Some think that open rebuke means to air out your grievances in public for all to see. Why not rather keep the transgression private between the two of you, but humbly reveal all things in sincere pleading as you present to the person his wayward sin. Once done, the rest is left up to the Holy Spirit to touch his heart and bring about what is necessary and wise.

How must I receive sincere open rebuke? There will always be room for good, sharp admonishments to my soul. Yet, generally, I am impulsive in my reaction (over-sensitive, self-sufficient) before I’ve had a chance to think. However, I want to learn to be a bright light in how to respond to criticism. This means refusing cowardice in the face of loving correction. Today’s verse actually says that friendly wounds are more to be desired than a friend’s frequent words of syrupy sweetness. Wounds slash into my flesh but they are faithful, healing and good. The friend who provides a few wounds is a friend I must intensely pursue and devotedly keep.

Certainly, not every reproof is accurate and may even feel unfair or occasionally unwarranted. Sometimes friends are misinformed or truly misunderstand. But one is wise to receive the loving words in the spirit in which they were intended. Seek wisdom from God, the giver of all good things, and counter the admonition (when they indeed are wrong) with respectful but honest responses. When they give a rebuke and later discover error in it, he is a good friend who is humble to openly admit his mistakes.

Father, we all have blind spots that need help from others as they reveal truth. Thank you for these precious people you’ve put in our lives that show the courage it takes to tell us the hidden facts about ourselves. Give us humble hearts and teach us to willingly listen to the kind but difficult words of deep love. Walk with us Father and show us through your Bible the many ways we need to change and how we might thrive in such ways. In Jesus name, Amen.