Thriving as a Sharpened Listener

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Proverbs 27:5-6

Thrive means to flourish, blossom and prosper as opposed to withering, failing and dying away. It is amazing to discover better ways to flourish, and that God wants such ways for all of us.

The verse above says that the better option (the most prosperous for our souls) out of the two scenarios isn’t the friend who hides behind smiles and never tells you the truth, but the friend who points out your serious mistakes, sharpens you and challenges you to be exceptional in your choices as you take the higher roads of life.

A most definite “higher road” is to listen to correction. Out of all the definitions for the word rebuke (found in today’s verse), my favorite is admonish. Why? Because it carries with it a decent level of respect. The rebuke is not motivated by neediness, inconsideration, jealousy or simple fault-finding, but by true affection and concern for the other person’s welfare. In fact, the act of solid criticism is real proof that the love is deep. Someone loves enough to tell a person his faults and better his character. Others keep silent because they don’t want to hurt feelings, or they fear losing friendships.

Be wary of the flatterer (who refuses to reveal your sins that damage your soul). This friend may talk about your sins behind your back. Such gossip is destructive and not always apparent to such an offender. Much intentional work is needed to uproot gossip. This “friend” slings mud secretly, but to your face gives smiles and kisses, like Judas, the betrayer.

The brave friend is one who says it like it is. Yet, protectively conceals your mistakes from others. He may put you through painful uneasiness. But in the end, the truth does you good like bad-tasting medicine. Fully receiving stern correction takes courage. Wouldn’t you rather be told upfront about a flaw than for your flaw to cause you to lose your job or your marriage?

This friend always looks for the best in you and seeks to bless you with his companionship and sounding-board opportunities and vice versa. However, when signs of spiritual decay and decline arise in you, he is the first to present his case. He is sincere in seeking your highest interest.

How does one reprove well? He must first see his own sin. He must look at the plank in his own eye so that he can see clearly to address the speck in another’s eye. He must use the right timing and words, which may require fasting, but for sure, requires time on his knees in prayer.

Anger in the rebuke typically doesn’t settle well as an appropriate plea for right living. Beautifully lay out your honest truth in love. Some think that open rebuke means to air out your grievances in public for all to see. Why not rather keep the transgression private between the two of you, but humbly reveal all things in sincere pleading as you present to the person his wayward sin. Once done, the rest is left up to the Holy Spirit to touch his heart and bring about what is necessary and wise.

How must I receive sincere open rebuke? There will always be room for good, sharp admonishments to my soul. Yet, generally, I am impulsive in my reaction (over-sensitive, self-sufficient) before I’ve had a chance to think. However, I want to learn to be a bright light in how to respond to criticism. This means refusing cowardice in the face of loving correction. Today’s verse actually says that friendly wounds are more to be desired than a friend’s frequent words of syrupy sweetness. Wounds slash into my flesh but they are faithful, healing and good. The friend who provides a few wounds is a friend I must intensely pursue and devotedly keep.

Certainly, not every reproof is accurate and may even feel unfair or occasionally unwarranted. Sometimes friends are misinformed or truly misunderstand. But one is wise to receive the loving words in the spirit in which they were intended. Seek wisdom from God, the giver of all good things, and counter the admonition (when they indeed are wrong) with respectful but honest responses. When they give a rebuke and later discover error in it, he is a good friend who is humble to openly admit his mistakes.

Father, we all have blind spots that need help from others as they reveal truth. Thank you for these precious people you’ve put in our lives that show the courage it takes to tell us the hidden facts about ourselves. Give us humble hearts and teach us to willingly listen to the kind but difficult words of deep love. Walk with us Father and show us through your Bible the many ways we need to change and how we might thrive in such ways. In Jesus name, Amen.