Drop the Matter

Proverbs 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

With only occasional setbacks, quarreling can become a thing of the past when we learn to follow verses like this and others like it: What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? (James 4:1)

Following these passages makes it possible to be set free from the need to argue.

Learning new habits of dropping the matter cleans out our ugly hearts and helps us to forgive people who offend and circumstances that disappoint.

What is a breach? It is an eruption, a crack or gap in a wall or dam that gets bigger and bigger over time, spewing out in great force it’s damage and destruction.

Spiritually the dam is a pile of unexpressed displeasing thoughts that have been held back a long time only to need one tiny rupture (irritating comment or action from another person) to be uncontrollably and unfairly let loose.

In this dilemma, is the answer to the problem to express all my thoughts as they happen so they won’t all back up inside me? Or is the answer to let some things go, like really go?

How do I sometimes unknowingly activate or launch a breach in the ‘dam?’

The foothold of the enemy starts in my mind when I allow myself to think whatever I want and use no self-control to take captive my thoughts (II Cor. 10:5). When the ‘last straw’ happens, all the thoughts come tumbling out, ready at the first sign of a breach. It even feels like the thoughts are looking for any excuse to come out of hiding!

How do I keep this dam of the mind intact, strong and peaceful (as shown in the photo above)? How do I keep the wall whole?

How do I “drop the matter?”

There has to be some sort of true letting go when the need to quarrel arrives in my brain. However, it’s not enough to remain quiet. I cannot expect some things to go away on their own. Some ‘matters’ will not and should not simply be ignored.

In my thoughts, before I bring up a topic of concern out loud, I pray about it. Then I carefully place it into more capable hands of the Almighty God. Before I even share my thoughts, I label it, once and for all, ‘resolved,’

After waiting on God’s timing, I speak with gentleness not anger to my counterpart. Expressing my thoughts in patient, kind ways, I listen to the spirit as He moves me to experience His fruit (love, joy, peace).

After that, since I’ve already left it resolved with God, I drop the matter and allow freedom to come into my heart. I am released from tension and strife.

Therefore, in order to keep my heart from negatively bursting at the seams, first of all, I daily go through a cleansing process. Have I repented of wrongs? Have I forgiven those who have offended me? Am I aware of the good around me to give thanks? Am I in the habit of praising God even in the hard times? Is there anything left over that hasn’t been addressed? Do these things need to be spoken or tossed? Am I praying to God for discernment?

Second, there are times when I get tired or moody and mindlessly speak my hurt. I am clearly in the wrong. When confronted, my tendency is to get defensive and angry and unleash all the ugliness of my soul (because I’m tired and cranky).

The happier way is to correct myself (explain my state of mind, apologize and reap the benefits of cleaning up my act and restoring my soul). Over time, I can better learn which fights are worth my time and energy and which ones are foolish, disruptive and nonessential to my life and well-being as well as to other’s.

Interestingly enough, there is another dynamic that could be the backdrop of everything I just shared.

I am under spiritual attack (or ‘we’ are).

The Bible says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph 6:12).

Sometimes the enemy bombards me, and I am led to believe his lies. As this happens, I know by now that in that struggle, I must quickly grab hold of God’s hand, who is more powerful than my enemy. I must keep going forward in love to those around me, not letting the dam be breached even by Satan himself.

If I were to verbally speak those enemy-thoughts led into my mind, much damage and destruction could happen.

Instead, I set myself to keep up the good deeds, doing the opposite of what the enemy speaks into my head.

For example: Over the years, God has helped me conquer some insecurities and fears. When I’m ‘under attack, ‘ the enemy hits those hot buttons with a vengeance, and I am made to believe that I am insecure again. I’m NOT. But I feel the struggle so deeply, I think things like: “This will always be a part of me. I will never get better. I want to quit because I’m not worthy to continue. I want to run away because that person did or said something hurtful (in reality, he or she is the same person they’ve always been, sometimes aggravating or frustrating, but the enemy exaggerates their actions or words in my mind, blowing it out of proportion). My mind convinces me to become distant and fed up, “I’m done!“

But, God is not done.

Perhaps, you would counsel me to speak my feelings. But, I’ve been there and done that so often (during a spiritual attack) that the recipients of my words look at me like I have two heads. They’re just being themselves. I’m the one who is out of line and making a big deal out of nothing (or better said, the enemy is running the show in my head).

These episodes last a few days in which I feel the battle or struggle, a battle that is most definitely about the principalities of darkness.

The issue isn’t a person or a hurt, but a power struggle between God and Satan and I’m in the middle!

I am being distracted to dwell on a lie, BECAUSE someone out there needs my prayers. Someone else needs me to be in the light of God’s will. That someone needs my prayers and encouragement, perhaps even the very person the enemy is lying about in my head.

My heaven-tactic against the spiritual attacks is to move toward people in love, to serve, give and ignore the enemy’s cries. It is vital, during these episodes, in ALL my relationships to go out of my way to be kind. I move forward as if the struggle isn’t going on. Extremely hard to accomplish, it feels impossible. But, with God, nothing is impossible!

The only way I can do this is by crying out to my Father who ALWAYS pulls me through. A few days pass and the thoughts are forgotten and gone. They leave as quickly as they came. My mind is sane again and at peace. When those same frustrations (used by the enemy to trip me up) happen again, my mind is not agitated or perplexed. I have made it through the storm without allowing the dam to be breached.

It is imperative for us all to come to recognize when the enemy is attacking us spiritually. He comes in the form of anger, hurt and pride, but he also shows up in illness and misfortune. He can even use the good in life to distract me from praying for a friend in need. I am still in the process of trying to understand spiritual attacks. I want to learn from the Jesus himself.

Matthew 4:1-11
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.
The tempter came to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels, and they will lift you up in their hands, so you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
Again, the devil showed him the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”
Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”
Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

Father, forgive me for my wayward thoughts that overflow from my mouth. Show me the path to freedom by helping me to drop the matter. Help me to soar above the waves of this deeper ocean. When the enemy is near, put scripture in my mind to repeat back to the principalities of darkness. Keep my eyes on you, my Savior and friend, and help me to sustain the loving acts you place on my heart. I am thankful that I have a God who is over all these things. I open my lips and my arms to praise you. I kiss your feet, Lord Jesus and glorify your name. I love you so much, Lord and give my life to you. In Jesus name, Amen.