Life-changing Love

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. I Peter 4:8

Jesus is the perfect one to emulate who gave profound love the way each individual needed.

For some, His love totally overlooked the sin and spoke kindly to the sinner,

“Go and sin no more (to the woman caught in adultery),”
“If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water (to the woman at the well),” or
“’Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.’ And his servant was healed at that moment (to the unworthy centurion).”

To others He spoke in confrontational, plain speech to expose their terrible Pharisaical choices or He turned over tables at the temple.
Jesus told the Pharisees, “Woe to you” many times!
He said to the money changers, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’”

Love is given both ways from us as well. A parent will lovingly correct his child. A friend will call out another friend when he is in the wrong. A preacher will preach truth to his listeners. Married couples, who know about their spouse more than anyone else, will sometimes communicate hard things so their relationship can better thrive.

However, today, let’s assume this verse is trying very hard to remind us that it is not always our job to set everyone straight every moment of our lives. In fact, we would do well to set straight how we respond to others in love. We would have enough on our plates if our endeavors were spent on such a task! We would choose not to be so outspoken every little misbehavior. We would learn to simply let go.

Such a monumental deed would be unfathomable in it’s far-reaching influence to those around us! What an accomplishment would be achieved, maybe not for all situations, but for more than we offer at present. Moving towards forming such love into a habit would be life-changing for all involved.

Love is an action verb, and sometimes, that means to cover over a multitude of sins.

The action of loving with our whole heart begins in our thought-life. Our minds drive everything we do! If we don’t love in our thoughts, we probably aren’t going to carry through with overlooking that person’s fault.

My thoughts must be taken captive and made obedient to Christ (II Cor. 10:5). They lead me in every way regarding relationships around me.

When I am at my best and in the midst of conflict, I wonder, “How would I like to be treated if I was in their shoes?”

If people gave me the benefit of the doubt, what a blessing that would be. Maybe their thoughts would be generous and kind,
“I know her. This is not how she would typically respond. Perhaps something deeper is going on. I’ll pray for her,” or,
“Man, I’d like to tell her a thing or two, but my heart is telling me to respond in kindness despite how she just made me feel.”

The cold shoulder or angry accusations make me feel misunderstood and hurt for a very long time. When someone starts a fight with me or tries to make themselves look good at my expense, it only aggravates and makes the relationship worse for the wear. But love that ignores the ill-will, I just spoke or did, or tries to understand what’s going on with me, changes me. I am more willing to make amends and work on the relationship.

Certainly, loving deeply and covering over a multitude of sins is a pretty tall order. After all, that other person did wrong. They don’t ‘deserve’ my kindness. They deserve to be brought down in my vicious gossip and subdued, bitter distance.

In the long run, however, though the other person feels my wrath, I’m the one who suffers most in my self-made prison of unforgiveness. My hateful tones simply beget more hate. My anger begets more anger. Unkindness begets unkindness.

If I’m going to pass anything on at all, I want it to be grace – covering over the sins of others. I want to intensely and freely give my love. I want forgiveness to become easier as time goes by because it’s who I am.

Loving in this way means that I persevere through the hard times of hurt. I surrender myself to the Lord with all my heart and leave my life and the other person’s life in his hands. Such pursuits bring me closer to Jesus and to a minute understanding of all that He did for me. It means I unify myself with those around me, and resist holding grudges.

I visualize a hand coming down over the unkindness spoken to or about me and covering it where no one else can see, and the hand is my hand of love (done only through the power of a Mighty God). I make it hard for others to know about these flaws or mistakes of others (including myself). I practice dismissing offensive circumstances and immediately give the burden over to the Lord. I even make it nothing in both of our eyes, praying for them and asking God to forgive their guilt, just as I ask for help in forgiving. I train myself to speak highly to and about my offender to others around me.

These things take time to learn. But the more I apply today’s verse to my life, the more awe inspired is my heart. In fact, I had a situation during the writing of this blog. My mind kept playing over and over again, “love deeply” and “cover over a multitude of sins.” It was the right thing to do. It was an intentional, loving choice in which I found a piece of God’s compassion and mercy living inside me.

This kindness is not about letting others go scot-free in their ‘crimes’ against us, but about drawing them and ourselves back to the God’s goodness in following His ways.

Lord, this blog was hard to take into my soul. I do not pretend to be anywhere near the thoughts I’ve written in this post, but I want to be. Help my love to keep no record of wrongs from the past and to refuse the trap of easily becoming anger. Instead, show me how to be patient and to protect, trust, hope and persevere, all in the name of the love of the Lord. In Jesus name, Amen.

In-Your-Face Best Friends

Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue. Prov. 28:23

A friend of mine was told point blank by an older, wiser person that he needed to address his selfishness. Resentment came over him, at first, but years later he went back to the man and thanked him for his honesty. The hard conversation had worked on his heart, making a deep impression and changing his life.

Each of us from time to time will inevitably be confronted with the need to confront someone in our lives. There is no way around it. Sometimes we are the only ones who know another person’s blind spots. It’s the right thing to do to speak up and attempt to make the world a better place.

Each of us will also have times when others challenge us to our very core to move to higher heights.

The emotions we encounter on both sides of confrontation are deep and sometimes feel impossible to face.

When I’m the one who must speak truth, the response from my counterpart is commonly a painful hurt and sullen withdrawal. And I receive terrible consequences for my courage. However, though it may take time, if anything I say is heeded, the loved one tends to eventually appreciate the refreshing and well-intended candor, and also they value the comfort they receive from living right.

The truth sets us free!

When I’m the one receiving the blessing of a reproof, it can initially feel like an insult.

Who are they to tell me what to do with my life? Who do they think they are to judge me?

Yet, I have to remember they are close enough to see these problems I can’t see, and their devotion is so great they can’t help but say something in love. They are giving me a gift.

Reproofs are a necessary part of life. But, how does one approach a confrontation with another?

It must be done (not in the heat of a quarrel) but after much thought and prayer, and only if one is led by God to move forward. The words must be spoken with loving respect and in absolute privacy. Reproofs must be rare and not repeated often, or they will have little influence. Too many criticisms can overburden a loved one and lower their self-esteem. They may think to themselves, “I can’t do ANYTHING right.”

If you are speaking the truth in love, hopefully, you will have already established trust and deep friendship prior to the confrontation. You will have shared your hearts and encouraged and built each other up on previous occasions. The words you speak now are deeply trustworthy and true, not meant to harm but help.

Sadly, confrontations can sometimes be misunderstood by those who receive our honest, heart-felt words. Because of distress and grief, the person may turn the issue around and make it into a fight. Some people have a unique knack at knowing how to perfectly twist our words and place the hurt back on our shoulders.

I have found this to be my biggest challenge when, after much prayer, I’ve spoken truth. In a way, it makes me want to cower and never speak up again, which may be the goal of the attack.

I believe I must arm myself ahead of time in prayer for a battle (not a fight with the person, but with the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenlies, Eph. 6:12). At this point, the combat begun is about so much more than the original issue itself. It is good to remind myself to focus on such things as this and prepare for my quiet response. There is no greater time to be solid and strong in the Lord. Sometimes, I just smile and make a joke to calm things down (when appropriate). Sometimes, I simply don’t respond at all except in inward prayer. I have done my part. It is time to give it to God to handle.

I tend to feel undone when my reaction to the attack is to cave in and strike back (which is now a full blown argument) or when my reaction is to come unglued in tears. On the other hand, practicing the strength of the Lord makes me feel like I am soaring on eagles wings (which yields better outcomes on both sides).

Father, it is better to wound those I love than to falsely flatter them and be a part of causing them to stumble in sin. Help me to give encouragement in hope that one day I will be a part of forming your character in others. When it’s my turn to hear truth, give me a humble grace to receive constructive honesty in love. Help me to choose joy even when the unhappy event starts out by making me feel unsettled and depressed. Cause good to come out of the confrontation and help me every day to be transformed into your son’s likeness. In Jesus name, Amen.

My True Heart

Those who forsake instruction praise the wicked, but those who heed it resist them. Prov 28:4

A different way to say this proverb would be: “When you refuse to listen to what is right, you are supporting what is wrong. When you hear and do good things, you are joining the right side.”

After spilling the failures of your heart out to a friend, have you ever heard someone say, “I’m so glad to hear you say this, now I feel better about what ‘I’ did.” It’s a compassionate answer. But somewhere inside these words there is more truth to discover.

We feel better if someone else sins as badly as we do. Forsaking instruction when we are weary, cross, misunderstood or feeling limited (which are excuses) still leaves us in a state of sin. We may not know it, or if we do, we may not admit it. In truth, we love our sin. Having others join us soothes our conscience. In a way, we are praising the wicked and agreeing with their choices. We are of the same mind and spirit, binding ourselves to them.

Instead, may we have friends who encourage us (and we them) to do good and not evil by continuing the conversation, “Here’s what I did to overcome that sin. Let’s work on this together. We can learn to guard our hearts from the dark and stop making excuses for our bad choices (which are rooted in lack of trust and dependence on God).”

Sin is a severely dangerous place in which to remain. We must learn to call it what it is. We cannot keep silent knowing what sin can do. We must get out of it as quickly as possible.

Surely, our hearts tell us not to remain with so called ‘friends’ who spur us on to evil when they are so comfortable in it. Such individuals would say things like, “Oh don’t worry about that. You’re only human. All of us would have done the same thing.”

They would call a person thrifty who is greedy, or a person spirited instead of telling the truth that they are acting irresponsibly in anger.

However, when we heed instruction, we are willing to contend with others over their sins and show ourselves what is wrong in the eyes of God.

Instruction can come in different ways: through parents or teachers, through our trials and pain (if we listen hard enough and learn from our mistakes.)

Our Bibles, setbacks and all of life can instruct us. But as the verse says, if we’re not listening it’s the same as joining the side of wrong. A wicked man takes the easiest road, does the least amount of work or boldly steps into sin with no remorse…until he gets caught. Lying and cheating his way through life is his norm. Compare that to a person who simply refuses to hear instruction. It’s scary!

On the contrary a man who heeds instruction, by the very act of heeding, is resisting the wicked way of life.

Within our instructional setbacks (painful trials that teach us), we are either trusting God or we are not. Trusting Him is the first step to hearing instruction. People are more willing to comply to directives that come from someone they trust.

Following instruction means that we open our ears instead of setting boundaries or walls to leave out our Maker, our Father God, saying selfish things like: “I’ll believe in you, Lord, or follow you only if I get what I want from you.”

Certainly, following instructions came easy for me as a child. I was born a pleaser. Pleasing God was my joy, as was pleasing my parents and teachers. I followed the rules carefully, and when I accidentally strayed from the right way, I was mortified.

However, during this past week, I contemplated the immaturity I had as a child. I don’t think my motives for such ease in compliance were always right. As I grew older, I began to learn the truth of my hidden, straying heart (even though my outward actions were praised). Anger and selfishness bubbled up from me and revealed who I really was: someone in need of a Savior, someone in need of Christ’s transforming power, someone who couldn’t please others enough to earn my way to Him. So He took care of that on the cross and made me righteous by His blood. Oh, praise His most Holy name!

As an adult, every day is a new day to learn more about the waywardness of my heart and the goodness of my Father in Heaven. Everyday, I discover how far and how much I wander and what that does to my soul.

Lord, the more I listen to instruction, the happier I am with my life (even when difficult circumstances surround me). You are everything to me. Teach me to follow your ways. Show me my true heart. Help me to stay on your path and leave wickedness behind. I love you, Lord. In Jesus name, Amen.