Black Lives Matter – Different Perspective

Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you—better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away. Proverbs 27:10

Last night, I heard the terrible cries of a friend whose life had fallen apart during the pandemic. Her story broke my heart.

The effects of covid, cancer, disease, marriage problems, starvation and many other severe trials has the entire human race under its grip. We can’t always relate to each other’s unique struggles, but we can all relate to suffering in some form or another.

Every human encounters trials that keep us up at night and worry our minds to the point of despair. We also face the temptation of our souls that the enemy of God brings to ensnare us. Darkness is his home, and he wants us to follow him into his pit of destruction.

Two things may cause us to live in the shadows: our trials (circumstances) and Satan’s traps (temptations). No one escapes these.

So who do we turn to for help?

Again, Proverb 27:10 says, “Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you—better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.”

The commentaries seem to agree that “far away” means relationships not proximity. In other words, the friends or family who invest in us (and are active in our lives) will be the ones we call on in times of need (and vice versa).

When someone checks on me, and I check on them, I have a true friend. They honestly care about my well-being (the stories of my life). If a little time goes by, and I become quiet in my pain, they don’t let it pass without sending a verse, a prayer or a song of encouragement, and I do the same.

This kind of friend isn’t too fearful to return love, isn’t too shy, oversensitive or over-needy (dependent on me in my human flaws to fix everything and make it all better). Both of us lean on God for that!

I vividly remember the days of holding and rocking my babies late into the night. I also remember the terrible moments of teaching them how to self-soothe. We train our babies to understand that mommy has other responsibilities (including getting some sleep), and that they must learn how to cuddle with a stuffed toy or suck on a pacifier instead of wearing mommy out. Mainly, as babies grow, we teach them about the arms of a big God, arms that are always open and available.

As adults, we cling to Jesus in our worst moments and let Him rock and hold us tight. We always have His comforting touch. Our friends will, at times, be unavailable. That’s our cue to go to the Greatest Friend we have.

In our trials, who do we turn to? God first (I choose to take myself out from under despair and place myself into the safe grip of my Father!) HE directs us to each other. He gives us communities in which we involve ourselves in the emotions and hardships of problems other than our own.

During this pandemic, I am tempted to feel the dislike, the hurt and pain concerning my life. I am bored, at times, and sick of not having the freedom to spend time with and see my friends. Every other trial my family is going through seems magnified by this virus. Through it all, several adversities have popped up, sometimes, feeling like layer upon layer of grief. It is overwhelming.

Yet, here is a question I pose to myself and the world: what if, in our hardships, God is refining and purifying us? What if all we’re going through isn’t about healing our hurts, but our souls? What if He is turning us to Him? Wouldn’t that be the true miracle? Not an eradication of covid (which I pray for every day), but an eradication of sin in our lives. What if we are supposed to use every second of this contagious event to spread caring hearts for one another in our pure suffering?

One thing I’ve noticed lately is how the flowers continue to blossom even in the pandemic. The animals go about their lives pretty much untouched. The sun still rises and falls every day. Apparently, God cares about my response to the good and the bad. I am taking this time to do likewise: to shine, to blossom, to go about my life blessing people. I am working hard within the choices in front of me that make a difference. The hard, sweaty work is good, and I find myself praising God, though my circumstances are NOT what I want them to be.

My friends are the ones who remind me of my Father during this time. They help keep my mind fixed on the eternal aspects of life, not on what is temporarily painful. They cry and hurt with me, but they also spur my heart to go higher. (Laughter does it every time!) My friends encourage and help me to thrive (my theme for the year)!

Certainly, however, not every person in our lives are ideal to turn to in times of need.

Forsake is a daunting word. It means to abandon, desert or give up. The verse of the day encourages us not to forsake (out of laziness or petty anger) those we know need our help.

The opposite of forsake is to stay with, to be there for someone who is in a disaster.

I had a simple surgical procedure 15 years ago that knocked me off my feet, physically and emotionally, for a few months. No one knew I was in need because it didn’t occur to me to seek help. My trial was nothing compared to the hardships others were facing. But my neighbor, out of the blue, twice, brought over food for my family. I was touched and amazed at answers to my unspoken prayers. I felt especially loved!

We don’t always vocalize our pain, so it’s nice for gifts like that to drop from the sky out of nowhere. From that event I learned that it is important to take the time to listen to the promptings God puts on our hearts. Make the phone call or drop a casserole off at a friend’s house. You never know the impact God wants to have through you!

Sometimes, we are insulted during our trials when no one shows up, calls or provides anything, or they provide very little (and look what we did for them when they were in trouble, right?) But remember, not every trial is the same. Some trials are personal, between you and God. If God, for reasons of His own, doesn’t take away or stop the bad from happening, and you end up with layers of hardships painfully carried on your back, and then one day if the Lord God brought you something good, would you be insulted? Would it be too late to feel the kindness of His offer? Would you turn Him down?

Our friends or family cannot possibly be present 24/7 for our every need or trial. Let our response to them, when they do show up, be thankful and gracious for their gifts of love (this includes our mates or children). The next time we are available and they are in need, we still give in abundance because God is our helper.

On the flip side, we can’t always be there for our friends, and that can cause us great discomfort. We want to give them our time and attention. But, for reasons beyond our control, we must let them and their troubles go, and place them into the hands of God.

It is vital in this life to learn ways to be a good friend.

Sometimes when I exercise or clean the supper dishes, I think to myself how silly it would be to assume that this steadfast, productive moment should be enough to last forever. “Okay, I’m done. I’ll never have to do dishes again.” “I just went running, and now my heart should infinitely respond to this one attempt at fitness.” “I’ve eaten an awesome healthy lunch today. Now my body will be healthy forever!“

But that’s not the way of things. Dishes pile up again, bodies, though they beg for junk, are really always craving fuel, exercise has to be done almost daily in order to make a difference toward health. Unless we heed these calls, we can put ourselves into unspeakable trials and habits that will take a long time to reverse.

Likewise, I cannot simply speak ONE kind word to my friend in his trial and expect that friendship to last. Friendship is an ongoing responsibility and a joy when done right. Friendship is a dynamic used by God to bring about great good in times of suffering and distress.

It is important to follow the good paths so that none of us end up forsaking our friends. Here are a few solid steps: refuse to gossip, stop jealousy from over-taking your heart, believe good things about your friends, if at all possible be there for them when they are in trouble.

All the lessons we’ve taken into our hearts so far in Proverbs 27 (previous blogs) can strengthen or weaken the bonds of friendship.

Today’s proverb teaches us that it is in the trials of life that true friends show up.

The verse says also that friends of our family may need our attention in times of trouble and likewise may be a help to us. When a father is long gone, HIS true friends are OUR true friends. It is our way to keep our fathers and their morals alive.

Of course, relatives and family can become some of our closest friends.

However, just because they wear the label of nephew or aunt, doesn’t make them the best people to call on. When in need, turn to someone who loves and invests in you.

When your friend is in trouble (one you’ve invested in), be there for him. Go the extra mile. Grab others to help if the job is too heavy. When someone’s house burns down or the doctor calls with a bad diagnosis… cook, clean, or send notes. Do what you can. Be their prayer warrior when they can’t remember what or how to pray.

For a moment, recall the worldwide, well known phrase, “Black lives matter,” and let’s use it to remind ourselves that the greatest way to truly bring this slogan to life and make a difference in this world is to rise up and help our fellowman who currently suffer in dark circumstances, no matter the race, politics, views or even the sins against us. In a sense, their black lives must matter.

Not everyone who undergoes trials is someone we personally know. We become their friends through actions of love.

Don’t you think these are worthy endeavors to expend our energy and time when everything around us feels so grim? Each of us has someone in our lives we can help today. What if we all followed that call? What difference could one person make if that person was you?

Lord, when we listen to your voice and become your children, nothing can separate us from your concern and care for our lives. Use us to help each other. Use us to be a blessing and to bring light to the darkness. Purify us in our trials and bring our souls completely to Jesus. Let nothing we go through be wasted or used for an excuse to harm or forsake. Help our circumstances to be our link to conversion to the One True God, our creator and friend. Teach us how to be good friends to those in need. In Jesus name, Amen.